Sunday, May 23, 2010
Emotional Risk Baby
The Department of Children and Families (DCF) classifies children who are in foster care whose birthparents have not yet had their parental rights terminated as legal risk children. Depending on how far along they are in this process, the risk may be higher or lower. Our baby is considered high legal risk. When we recieved her (that sounds so strange), December 14, 2009, the department had not yet filed for TPR (terminatiion of parental rights). While in the process of being liscensed, we had stated and put in writing that we only wanted to receive low-legal-risk children because the thought of taking in a child, falling in love, and having to give him or her back was not an option for us. We couldn't begin to fathom the heartache that would accompany such a situation. We have a seven-year-old son and thought it would be cruel to put him through that anguish, never mind ourselves. But then you get the call, and the voice tells you that you were chosen for a beautiful, healthy, six-month old baby girl, and all logical thought flies out the window. So she is here. She wakes up and calls to us from her crib, of course we are her parents. She falls down and cries out for us, of course, we are her parents. When strangers approach her she reaches for us, of course, we are her parents. Except we aren't her parents. We know this, although we try not to think about it often. We have decided that the term legal risk needs to change to emotional risk. Our emotional well-being and hers is what we are risking as we wait to find out if she will truly be ours.
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Thank you for sharing such an emotional and truthful part of your lift with us. This piece so vulnerable and raw because of the sensitivity of the subject. I like what you said about "logical thoughts files out the window." It is such a relatable statement for anyone who has ever experienced love for another human being. And your statements of being "her parents" are so strong and powerful. I believe you are her parents just be the way you write.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very powerful piece of writing full of emotion! I feel like I am right in the emotional state with you. I cannot imagine falling in love with a baby, not to be sure if she would end up being "mine". Great job making the audience feel exactly what you are feeling!
ReplyDeleteDiane,
ReplyDeleteI feel your angst. Your experience seems like an emotional roller coaster. You were able to convey the intense emotional swings through your writing. I just can't imagine falling in love with a child that may end up leaving your home. Is this story a personal narrative or a fictional piece? It sounds too real to not be true, but I am just checking. If it is a real experience that your family is going through, when will you know for sure whether the process will culminate with you as her parents? How has your son adjusted to having a new sibling? What a special family you have. Your son is learning so much from the choices you are making as giving parents.